I recently had a conversation with a friend who was having marital issues with her husband. She had been praying for him to change his ways for a long time. I knew she was weary in this effort. Periodically she would call and complain about the things he had done and said to her. Each call the scenario would be the same but the date would change. Based on her account of the events happening, both her and her husband needed to make some changes. As I listened, she claimed she was just telling me the facts about the turn of events but in reality she was complaining. When I suggested she might need to change her thoughts about the situation and/or change her reaction to the situation, she was opposed to it.
It reminded me of the time I had my own marital issues and my own complaining to God. This was a high stress time since my husband and I both worked in real estate and the market was drying up. Our income was cut in half, we were both job searching and tension was at an all time high since our marriage had hit the rocks for the last and final time. He found a temporary job and I was still looking. My marriage was over and my husband (I will call him Denis) at the time would not move out of the house we shared. Through the breakdown of our marriage Denis decided the many months previously to give me the silent treatment. I refer to that time as the ‘year of silence’ one could accurately describe as a marital wilderness. In this marital wilderness my many conversations with God consisted of asking Him when Denis would leave, why is Denis still here and telling Him, I just want Denis to go. We resided in the same house living separate lives and there was no sign that this man would leave. Since I had focused the majority of my prayers and conversations with God on getting Denis to move out, the topic became an idol. Exodus 20:3 says “you shall have no other gods before Me”. My focus on what I wanted became first in my life. It did not occur to me that this was what I was doing at the time.
After about 10 months of the silent treatment and 7 months of prayer requests for Denis’ removal, I honestly didn’t care if he stayed or left. I was tired and rightfully so since I was taking the lead and not following God’s lead. I was working in my own strength. I was depleted, a shift had to happen. I had to change. I had to let go of it. In this ‘Lord i trust You’ moment I let go of the situation, the emotions, the complaining and the end result. Philippians 2: 1 says “Do everything without complaining and arguing”. My prayers at the time weren’t thanking God for working this situation out for my good (Romans 8:28), they were complaints of misery as to why things weren’t progressing at a more rapid pace.
My prayers and conversation with God shifted to asking Him what He wanted me to do instead of telling God what I wanted Him to do. As I would soon find out, God was working this entire situation out for my good. About a month later I started seeing paperwork lying around the house for jobs in other states and overseas. A couple of weeks after that, Denis announced he would be moving out of state in 30 days. Two weeks before Denis was to move out God supplied me with a great job that would cover my needs. Habakkuk 2:3 says “For the vision is yet for the appointed [future] time It hurries toward the goal [of fulfillment]; it will not fail. Even though it delays, wait for it, Because it will certainly come; it will not delay”. God’s timing is always perfect.
As the conversation wrapped up with my friend, she was less interested in her own change and more interested in her husbands change. I anticipated that a repeat of this phone call would happen again in the future. You cannot change other people, but you can change yourself. Change is a choice to either stay where you are or making the effort to move into a better position. Being in a better space and/or a better position is worth the effort. Be willing to change. The following steps facilitated my change into a better position: Step one eliminate the complaining, step two let God take the lead and step three trust God to work it out for your good.