Today my company sent out an email featuring all the employee work anniversaries for the month. My name was listed along with my start date. It is bittersweet. As I am thankful to continue to work and have a job, I also remember my mother who passed away on my first day of work. Both of my parents are deceased now, and they are a reminder to say I love you to all I hold dear still living.
Before my father passed away, I missed the opportunity to tell him I loved him. One fall weekend, my father called. I did not answer the call and thought I would call him later, I have time. A couple of days later, I was at work when I got the call that he had passed. Not only did I grieve his passing, I grieved my failure of not telling him I loved him when the opportunity was there. I had time, but my father didn’t.
Ten years later, my mother was in hospice. She was not cognizant, but I made it a priority to tell her I loved her before she passed. I called because I lived far away, and asked the nurse to put the phone to her ear as she was transitioning. I told her, “Mommy, I love you”. My sister, who was in her room at the time would later reveal that my mother responded to my words.
After my father, I don’t ever want to miss an opportunity to tell my family and friends that I love them. The regret I felt, due to my failure to act in my father’s final days was the last lesson he taught me. So today, on the anniversary of my mother passing, I am lovingly reminded to say I love you.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:2-6
The uncertainties surrounding the current Coronavirus event have produced a variety of trials. Normally, we all have experienced trials in our lives at one time or another. The uncertainty of this particular trial has led to feelings of being ill at ease and unsure of what the future will look like. The uncertainty is truly testing my faith in God. I believe my trials are a training ground for what God has next for me. The big question is: ‘God, what are you trying to teach me in this?’
My regular prayer along with standing strong on God’s wisdom and word gives me peace. I choose to have a relationship with God because the alternative proved to be adverse to my best interest. I have at times put God in the backseat regarding decisions I have made. Those decisions have resulted in being blown and tossed by the wind as the scripture says. With those decisions, came another lesson learned and more wisdom acquired. My relationship with God is not perfect. It is a work in progress as I am a work in progress. I just know I am better with God than without.
Whatever the trial happening at the time, there will be a lesson and wisdom that comes out of it for myself and the situation at hand. I will continue to ask God for wisdom. Having God with me every step of the way is what I consider pure joy. The Lesson and the wisdom will move me forward into what God has for me. For that, I am grateful.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who was having marital
issues with her husband. She had been praying for him to change his
ways for a long time. I knew she was weary in this effort.
Periodically she would call and complain about the things he had done
and said to her. Each call the scenario would be the same but the
date would change. Based on her account of the events happening, both
her and her husband needed to make some changes. As I listened, she
claimed she was just telling me the facts about the turn of events
but in reality she was complaining. When I suggested she might need
to change her thoughts about the situation and/or change her reaction
to the situation, she was opposed to it.
It reminded me of the time I had my own marital issues and my own
complaining to God. This was a high stress time since my husband and
I both worked in real estate and the market was drying up. Our income
was cut in half, we were both job searching and tension was at an all
time high since our marriage had hit the rocks for the last and final
time. He found a temporary job and I was still looking. My marriage
was over and my husband (I will call him Denis) at the time would not
move out of the house we shared. Through the breakdown of our
marriage Denis decided the many months previously to give me the
silent treatment. I refer to that time as the ‘year of silence’ one
could accurately describe as a marital wilderness. In this marital
wilderness my many conversations with God consisted of asking Him
when Denis would leave, why is Denis still here and telling Him, I
just want Denis to go. We resided in the same house living separate
lives and there was no sign that this man would leave. Since I had
focused the majority of my prayers and conversations with God on
getting Denis to move out, the topic became an idol. Exodus 20:3 says
“you shall have no other gods before Me”. My focus on what I
wanted became first in my life. It did not occur to me that this was
what I was doing at the time.
After about 10 months of the silent treatment and 7 months of
prayer requests for Denis’ removal, I honestly didn’t care if he
stayed or left. I was tired and rightfully so since I was taking
the lead and not following God’s lead. I was working in my own
strength. I was depleted, a shift had to happen. I had to
change. I had to let go of it. In this ‘Lord i trust You’ moment
I let go of the situation, the emotions, the complaining and the end
result. Philippians 2: 1 says “Do everything without complaining
and arguing”. My prayers at the time weren’t thanking God for
working this situation out for my good (Romans 8:28), they were
complaints of misery as to why things weren’t progressing at a more
rapid pace.
My prayers and conversation with God shifted to asking Him what He wanted me to do instead of telling God what I wanted Him to do. As I would soon find out, God was working this entire situation out for my good. About a month later I started seeing paperwork lying around the house for jobs in other states and overseas. A couple of weeks after that, Denis announced he would be moving out of state in 30 days. Two weeks before Denis was to move out God supplied me with a great job that would cover my needs. Habakkuk 2:3 says “For the vision is yet for the appointed [future] time It hurries toward the goal [of fulfillment]; it will not fail. Even though it delays, wait for it, Because it will certainly come; it will not delay”. God’s timing is always perfect.
As the conversation wrapped up with my friend, she was less
interested in her own change and more interested in her husbands
change. I anticipated that a repeat of this phone call would happen
again in the future. You cannot change other people, but you can
change yourself. Change is a choice to either stay where you are or
making the effort to move into a better position. Being in a better
space and/or a better position is worth the effort. Be willing to
change. The following steps facilitated my change into a better
position: Step one eliminate the complaining, step two let God take
the lead and step three trust God to work it out for your good.
